As I stood there breathing in breathing out… focusing on one spot on the
floor… 115 degrees Fahrenheit outside wondering what the temperature
must be on the inside of this room… no A/C allowed. No Fans either!
Nothing moving the still thick air around. SO SO thick from the monsoon
type rain we had the night before. Hoping for the gentle breeze to move
through the open window even if just for a moment. The beads of sweat
fell from my head as I stood there in Warrior 3, one leg rooted to the
ground, the other floating behind me – kind of like my life right now. One
part of me still grounded in what I know, the other stretching into the
unknown. Honestly, the best Warrior 3 I had done in the last 20 days of my
200-hour Yoga teaching Certificate. The loud horns honking nonstop
outside in this busy place called Rishikesh India… Maybe for once, I truly
understood what it meant to find balance between stability and letting go.
I am not sure if you told me in March when I in a turn of events sent the
email that said, this is not for me! The best paying job I have ever had.
The bougiest title I have ever had. “Senior Manager of Operations” for the
largest Fishing Company in North America. I am not sure I would believe
that moment would lead to the moment in India questioning what am I
doing here? Or for that matter sitting here questioning decisions made
over the last sixth months.
As I grasp onto all the lessons learned over a summer. A summer I can say
will be the most pivotal summers of my life… If I can only figure out how to
continue to let go and maintain my balance while moving forward. I wonder
what move we would call that? Maybe it’s called Growth?
There is so much of me even this morning as I perused the help wanted
ads, looking over different websites in the industry. I even consider what it
would look like to go back to the LARGE fishing company? Go back
Ruthie! Call it a fun summer and go get your security back. You are great
at what you do. And then the voice in my head screams no! No, there is
more to this life than where you have been. Look forward, find your
balance lean in and find your way.
Even this page! Opening my computer took so much for me. I thought
about it 100 times last week and even put it on my to-do list. How is it that
we can work so tirelessly for someone else. Yet when it comes to doing it
for ourselves, we seem to fail miserably. Or is that just me?
Finally, here I am, staring at this first page. Well, almost anyway. There is
so much more to the story of my pivotal summer…There is not one part of
me that knows how to design the life I love. Not one part of me that even
knows what that looks like. It would be easier to run back! But what would I
be running back to? There is one thing I did learn this summer and that is I
am meant for more.
I might not have the roadmap yet, but I have something better – the
courage to step into the unknown. The same courage that took me from a
corporate office to a sweltering yoga studio in Rishikesh. The same
courage that helped me hold Warrior 3 while sweat dripped onto my mat.
The same courage that whispers “no!” when security tries to tempt me
back.
Maybe designing the life I love starts right here – with one word on this
page, one breath at a time, one step forward even when I can’t see the
whole path. What I do know is that though I may learn many lessons from
the review mirror my path is on the road in front of me.
So LETS GO!
Peace and Love
Ruthie
